i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
