my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
