whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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