Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
