There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
