i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
