it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
