We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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