just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
