Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
