Slut skills are useful in every country.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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