Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
