we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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