u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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