today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
