i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
