Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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