My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
