anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
