I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
