Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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