I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
