dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
