this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
