I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't deserve a penis
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
