worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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