If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
