onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
