FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
