in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You can't special order awesome
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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