fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
this hospital has no fireball
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
