since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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