Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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