Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
