Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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