i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
