Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
