Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
