im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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