Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
