turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
