I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
