I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
