A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I want her autograph on my taint
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
