What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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