**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
