Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
