i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
even my farts smell like vagina
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
