Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
