Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
