She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
